I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
