Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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