The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
