Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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