I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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