My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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