this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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