Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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