I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
