I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
