It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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