You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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