Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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