so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
