My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
