I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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