once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
