I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Someone shattered a urinal.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
