I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
