and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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