i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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