In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I don't deserve a penis
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
