i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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