Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize