i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
