You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
