I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I have tasted many bathrooms
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
