Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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