so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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