Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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