apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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