Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
