Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
