Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
PANTIES FOUND
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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