community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
