"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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