the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
