The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
