bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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