dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
