i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
