he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
