high people should be assigned attendants
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
you never un-have a 4some
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
