so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
