So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize