seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
