wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
a search helicopter?!
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
