I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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