Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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