Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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