He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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