just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
