she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
