i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
