i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
