Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
no. you can't hotbox the world.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
