You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
