She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
