i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
