apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize