I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
