she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
third nipple confirmed
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
