like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
