Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
