guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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