if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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