she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
