I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My penis needs a shock collar
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
