I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
