a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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