Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
