do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
