My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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