No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
