Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
