the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
