my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
