They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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