Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
