He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize