hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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