roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
