Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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