I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
