Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
