I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize