i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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