i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Randomize
