I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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