Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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