I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You're a waste of cheezeits
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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