I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
