We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
