u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
