I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
