I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
