Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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