he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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