hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
