he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
