if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize