I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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