Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
