i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
