Where is the hickey?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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