Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
