I faked an abortion last night.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize