I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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