I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize