i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You work out of a Hotel?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
