My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
MIDGETS
????
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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