I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Enjoy the penises
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize