she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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