You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
