Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
