And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
