kristin has been a bad kristin
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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