If that was your dad, he is hot
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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