i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
